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17 October 2017Last updated
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Ask the expert: Our relationship has lost its ‘spark’

Our relationship expert offers tips on getting your marriage back on track

Russell Hemmings.
3 Aug 2017 | 02:00 pm
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I love my husband and he feels the same, but in recent times the ‘spark’ seems to have gone out of our relationship. We both work and things seem so mundane and it feels like we rarely have conversations anymore – we only exchange information. How do I recapture earlier happier times?

Life can sometimes feel like a treadmill that we hardly have time to breathe, let alone invest time to nurture important relationships.

I think that it is a great sign that you’ve taken the time to email us for advice. It shows you know you need to ring in the changes. I know for sure that your issue will resonate with many other couples.

It’s easy to feel that there is simply no time to sit down and talk things through, but the simple answer is you just have to take control and make time. Rarely are things so important that they can’t wait a day or two, so I suggest you ask someone to look after the children and plan something fun and exciting for you and your husband to enjoy. I use the word exciting, because that’s what you need to kick start things into a new phase.

Many couples in your situation opt to go down the candle-lit dinner route to rekindle things a little, but I feel doing something completely different together, something that’s fun and not overly focused on obvious romance, allows you to laugh and chat and fire up those lines of communication again.

And good communication is most definitely the glue that sticks relationships together, so having the space to reconnect a develop a plan that will allow you to maintain that new connection, is vital.

Engaging in meaningful communication is so important. By meaningful I mean taking the time to put aside distractions and listen to what your partner is saying.

You can initiate this process, which can feel a little clunky or false, but stick with it and see if you can build in time every day, when the kids have gone to bed, to just chat and enjoy each other’s company.

Of course, this will require the commitment of both of you, so openly talking about it with your husband is a wise idea, rather than trying to engineer it. It’s has to be something you both buy into.

Showing affection is also the bedrock of a strong relationship. Taking the time to say nice things to each other, being encouraging and respectful, and of course those little touches that make the other person feel loved, can all fade without effort.

So, make the effort.

Positive relationships, no matter who they are with, require each person to put in equal amounts of effort; they to be worked on all the time. Not in an onerous way, but in a way which oils the wheels, so the ride is much smoother.

 

Got a problem?

Email your queries to friday@gulfnews.com.

Russell Hemmings.

Russell Hemmings

Life coach, and clinical and cognitive behavioural hypnotherapist. More info: www.russellhemmings.co.uk / 04 4273627 / 055 2867275.