I haven’t spoken to my briefcase in a long time. In fact, I have never spoken to my briefcase. Or to my desk or my refrigerator. For one, I realised that if they spoke back to me, I would have to see a psychiatrist. And for another, if they didn’t, I would feel foolish. But these are not the only options available.
Take Rain Gordon, a 24-year-old woman who speaks to her briefcase. She says she and her briefcase spend three or four hours having philosophical conversations. And inevitably as such things happen, she has fallen in love with it too, and married it. Doctors have all sorts of names and reasons for such attractions, but Rain Gordon is her own woman, and needs no help.
She named her briefcase Gideon before the wedding ceremony held in Moscow. I am not sure if we can call them the Gideons or the Gordons when addressing Christmas greetings, but Rain isn’t too fussed about that either. "Love is love’’, she has been quoted as saying in a UK newspaper.
It takes time, as we all know, for love to blossom. You could have known the girl next door for years before you felt that familiar tug in your heart and proposed to her. Rain Gordon bought Gideon five years earlier before she decided to marry it. That is a longer relationship than many couples I have known. Some Hollywood stars, to take a random example.
But it hasn’t always been smooth sailing. Rain Gordon admitted that in between she fell in love with a shopping centre but didn’t tell anyone (including the shopping centre) about this because she knew it was "beyond the norms of society."
Marrying a briefcase being well within such norms, she had no problems there. After all, Gideon might be a square, but he was handsome, and never let go of her hand in public.
Gideon might not open doors for her or bring her flowers, but on the other hand, it never argues with her or insists on spending too much time with fellow-briefcases or watching sport on television. It was a match made in a hardware store, which is as close to heaven as some can get.
Rain Gordon is a nursery schoolteacher, and I am waiting for the day when she takes off on a holiday. Will she book an extra seat? Will she be satisfied with stuffing her husband in the overhead bin with other briefcases or will she place her loved one under the seat in front of her?
Either way Gideon will be carrying her stuff – books, passport and emergency clothes. What more can you ask of a husband?