This feels like the right moment to issue a warning about bathrooms. For anyone out there who is thinking of Instagramming a picture of themselves in their bathroom (something that celebrities, including Madonna, have been doing a lot during lockdown), be aware that this is the new room of significant interest. It was the kitchen, then it was the bedroom (last year), now it’s all about the bathroom, and you will be judged particularly harshly on this one, as Demi Moore has just discovered.

Moore may be the first person to be fully bathroom-shamed having shared a picture of herself on a conference video call... in her bathroom. Within hours she was being called out for her wall-to-wall brown shagpile carpet, the oddness of having a chintzy sofa and a coffee table in the space between the basins and the bath, a painted statue next to the tub, and other details, including a chimpy soft toy, wedged in between the boulders of a Flintstone-style feature wall, beside the loo. People didn’t just hate it, they were creeped out, and nine out of 10 questioned how hygienic the space was.

 

That’s the way it is. If you don’t want to be bathroom-judged in 2020 then a) do not share pictures of yourself WFH in your bathroom and b) make sure you do not have any of the following:

Shagpile carpet. It wasn’t on the list of desirables before. There was certainly a time when you had carpets in the bathroom, and still do, but they were never shagpile and above all not brown.

She was being called out for her wall-to-wall brown shagpile carpet, among other things
Instagram

Anything brown. Or mustard. Or dark. It’s a bathroom. That stuff is for the teenager’s basement TV room, if anywhere.

A sofa. Fine by us, but obviously the key here is space. It is also the sort of Soho House styling (they’re always putting a free-standing bath in a bedroom, with a sofa) that you might think is a great idea, but it’s not that easy to pull off, without hotel maid service.

 

Decorative objects (such as statues). The most decoration you want in a bathroom is the odd restful, unchallenging picture. You don’t want fake flowers. Or baskets of shells.

Towels that are not white. You can get away with coloured towels if your bathroom is all marble surfaces and gleaming tiles, not if you have a brown carpet.

A dodgy-looking loo brush. Even if it’s a harmless bit of rust around the bottom, get a new one.

People were creeped out, with many questioning how hygienic the space was
Instagram

Ugly products. Totally fine if you have lots of pretty bottles, but if you are more into the industrial container of dandruff shampoo, tub of emollient for dry, flaky skin, pump soap, and so on, place them out of sight.

Loofers, scrubbing mitts, etc. We never learn. They seem like a good idea for five minutes and then go off and get covered in black mouldy bits.

People really mind about this stuff now. If you’re letting them back in, you have been warned.

The Daily Telegraph

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